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The Dark of Night
A 10 minute machinima horror film I created.

Quotes and One-Liners
Some fun quotes and sayings I've collected over the years.

Links
Sites I visit regularly or otherwise I think are particually spiffy.

Quotes and One-Liners

These are some fun short sayings I've picked up from various places over the years. I've made no effort to track down attributions in most cases; if in doubt it's usually best just to assume Oscar Wilde said it - you'll be right half the time, and even if you're not people'll take your word for it.

Every man has his price. Mine is £4.99.

An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

Bend the facts to fit the conclusion. It's easier that way.

Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.

A good pun is it's own reword.

Simplification good! Oversimplification bad!

"The most merciful thing in the world...
is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." - H. P. Lovecraft

When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick

That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die.

To err is human. To moo, bovine.

"Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us fourty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil." - Golda Meir

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it." - Elwood Blue

Everything's better with Gridfire

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." - George Carlin

Whatever it is, I'm sure that I was just about to get to it.

Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day. Teach a man to program, frustrate him for a lifetime.

Love makes the world go 'round, but, then again, so does a hard blow to the head.

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

What part of "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" do you not understand?

If I wanted your opinion, I'd read your entrails

Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett.

Warning: Not a religion, do not worship.

"They called me mad, and I called them mad, and damn them, they outvoted me." - Nathaniel Lee on being consigned to a mental institution, circa 17th c

"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'" - George Carlin

This is a one line proof... if we start sufficiently far to the left.

If God didn't want us to eat people, He wouldn't have made them out of meat.

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam
(Tr. "I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.")

QUARKBAR - the candy with flavour and charm.

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." - Taken from an S206 (officer fitness report)

It's bad luck to be superstitious

When Cthulhu calls, he calls collect.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

It may look like I'm doing nothing but on a cellular level I'm really quite busy.

"I have now reigned about 50 years in victory or peace, beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and respected by my allies. Riches and honors, power and pleasure, have waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity. In this situation, I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot. They amount to fourteen." - Abd Er-Rahman III of Spain, 960 A.D.

Carthago esse delendam.

The last king is come.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

As the Euclideans would have it, irrationality is the square root of all evil.

We're sorry, the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your telephone ninety degrees and try again.

A good man has few enemies. A ruthless man has none.

Our god's the FUN god! Our god's the SUN god! Ra! Ra! Ra!

Save the whales! Collect the whole set!

Cthulhu Saves. He might get hungry later.

Do not call up that which you cannot put on hold.

"Beer is the mind-killer. Beer is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my beer. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the beer has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - The Litany of Beer (with apologies to Frank Herbert)

If at first you don't succeed, try following the instructions.

The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist is afraid that it is.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

That which is not forbidden is mandatory.

I intend to live forever or die trying.

Don't play with fire, it does aggravated damage.

Go away, and take your stupid with you!

“There are two kinds of fool. One says, ‘This is old, and therefore good.’ And one says, ‘This is new, and therefore better.” - John Brunner

"An Outside Context Problem is the sort of thing most civilizations encounter just once, and which they tend to encounter rather in the same way a sentence encounters a full stop." - Iain Banks

Curiousity may have killed the cat, but he certainly died happy.

"Never try to reason with a pig, it's a waste of time and it annoys the pig." - Mark Twain

Before I became a Discordian, I used to be afraid of my own shadow. Ah, but now my shadow is afraid of me!

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.

All that glitters has a high refractive index.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.

Saying "Hastur" over and over makes webpages load faster. Really.

Reality is a user-defined parameter.

REX QUONDAM REXQUE FUTURUS

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - R.A. Heinlein.

The true wonder of sciences is not in its ability to explain the universe, but in its capacity to form new questions.

"I drank what?" - Socrates

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)" - Walt Whitman

At first there was nothing. Then God said 'Let there be light!' Then there was still nothing. But you could see it.

"I've noticed that the press tends to be quite accurate, except when they're writing on a subject I know something about." -Keith F. Lynch

I shall fear no weevil.

Eschew obfuscation.

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Elitism... It's not for everyone.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

Thought Criminal

You cannot kill what does not live.

Tell me, have you seen the Yellow Sign?

The beatings shall continue until morale improves.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those that don't.

The voices in your head are lying.

Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder.

Always remember you are unique. Just like everybody else.

That which does not kill me merely postpones the inevitable.